Wednesday, February 26, 2014

My Way Back From Crazy


The story from the perspective of my heart, I began as a result of two people falling in love and their love made me. I found out real young what they liked and I tried my best to do it so they would be happy. Unfortunately the story of love can get real complicated especially if people do not communicate so they eventually were not able to stay together and that was a very sad day. Not fully understanding,  I like most children do, Imitate, because that is how we learn. SO I was part my mom and part my dad. The blend called Madeline.
I was strong, brave, loving, honest, respectful, a good girl who always kind of felt more like a boy. I did what I was told…most of the time. The sad from that day, went deep inside me as if I was split in two. I was always able to feel all the feelings around me and connect to most with my smile and willingness to laugh and play. So I played and laughed at myself and the world as much as I could to help me carry on.
There were some challenges, some losses that seemed to only deepen the way I felt split since it was so hard to find a place where I could be sure, a place where I could see the big picture so I continued to protect myself and others the best way I knew how.
I started to feel stronger and began to have my own ideas.  I thankfully found a deep connection to nature, especially trees that helped me understand relationship with self and others. I was able to make friends real easy, people let down their defenses as they felt my heart I found that as I loved them I learned to love and understand more aspects of me. I was protective by nature of all that I Loved. I was protective of myself, almost like I was trying not to get trapped. Yet I longed to belong, it has always been rather confusing. The relationships would come and go and I would be strong and keep growing.  The most trying part was getting others to get along, creating harmony, not sure if my heart was so out of rhythm that others could not follow my beat, maybe I was too intense, not sure but it all left me feeling like It had to be my fault, I must be doing something wrong. I will keep trying. I tend to be very persistent by nature.
Time passes, I grow really strong on the inside and out, I am aware of myself in a profound way, wherever I go I hear and feel from the world , love, appreciation, respect for my perspective. Comments that touch me so much and after a while I realize that I may have a place in the world, a song to sing, something to share from my story.
So I create a space and I hope with all my heart and I wait for all to come together… just like the song.
The space becomes like another child who is more than I can take care of and I compromise my needs again so I do not mess everything  up.
Sounds Golden…
I thought so too!!!
But life goes in a full circle and the though the forest around me, loves me and believes in me, they do not know how to work together. Communicate from their hearts!  I have a sensitive nature and I love to dance in harmony, but if the forest doesn’t know and understand the others, if any trees lot together and exclude another, we lose our beat, we go into protection mode, we forget we our one heart. Fear has real power over own natural intelligence. The humans tendency to project and/or blame to help lift the weight wreaks havoc. There is no flow, the music changes, children begin to be left un attended, lost, prey to the worlds messages, filled up with quick sensations that feel real and true. Stronger than what we show them cause we are busy keeping up.
The creative genius within is thwarted and squashed…magic gone….again
Now I am a pulsing connected energy, I know the mother as the earth and the sky as the father, they work in harmony all the time. One Heart!!! I am committed to doing my part within the heart of all.
Time to sing to the world about living and growing as one just like the forest
I am asking all of you to please consider sharing the hurts, unlocking the pain and bravely come back to life.
All the way from the inside out.
Cause!! Straight up.
If not Now WHEN!!!
What they hell are we waiting for?
I am not always the most patient girl…but truth be told I would much prefer to be part of a forest and just growing to sky and working in harmony with the band of others who are committed to the same instead of in some distortion of myself that says I have to keep everybody going.

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